[PREAMBLE]

I tried counting 300ug to barely not fall into madness but failed miserably and went anything 600 up at minimum leading me into insanity and mental anguish I never experienced even the anguish of failing in important real life situations would be nothing in comparison by an extreme margin.
I had it liquid but, pipette struck the bottom and thinking little of the fact that crystals might tend to swim around the bottom and I forgot to shake it well. This was a mistake I atoned by offering my sanity.

[FROM 0 TO 45 MINUTES IN]

At first it started off innocent with vision lightly waving, then objects started having auras that are not very distinct (later gaining many very thin and concurrent monochromatic outlines that would be slowed down in time relatively to the actual vision by a fraction of a second which allowed strobo outlines in a way) and I started feeling very tingly between my fingers but also my parts of palms near to the fingers and later I had the same for my legs starting from thighs and soon moving toes.

I thought it was much lower dose than expected and occupied myself with formalities and procrastination instead of entrancing myself for the ride which should be the priority and sole goal.

What made me think something went wrong is when I very suddenly started having white-black-green vision of anything in about 3 frames per second and outer parts of my vision would go darker. This effect came from nothing to full force in what I believe was less than a minute if not a dozen seconds. Cognition very suddenly slowed down a lot and made me almost entirely stunned. My heart started racing and it was not just regular acid heart race. I though I am about to have a heart attack because it would never go this hard and I panicked knowing I am done and overdosed by a lot. I scrambled to get to the playlist to pray that I might have the privilige of falling from a plane to a hay stack instead of asphalt.

The situation evolved so fast that I panicked. My peripherial vision went dark, I barely could make out what I am looking at in full white and black (but rather dark gray and black) in about 1 fps. Shakyamuni-sama I failed.

[FROM 45 MINUTES TO 3 HOURS IN]

I kept doing all I can to entrance myself with lies "it will be alright" repeated over and over again as I lost mental capability for more elaborate lies and longer lies. The Heyuri CGI started having a globe made of mysterious inscriptions spinning in the sidebar, of opaque inside and only surface of this orb being filled with inscriptions of infinite colors, they were changing and morphing as they spun. All real text was moving like crazy. I lost track of which color is where and I lost an ability to tell them apart. Chat entries were waving strongly like a storm on sea, and soon a great steam ship emerged inside my screen but it also had a sail that was being blown very strongly and it had its steam engine wheel spinning with the tempo of the music but soon the speed at which waves were coming made the ship accelerate its engine which brought lots of rainbow smoke through my screen. Musical illusions and genuine auditory hallucinations entered very strong with a thunder heard as if struck just beside me with the noise being so loud I could mistake it for the real thing. I started hearing electronic lawnmower noise of all pitches and frequencies that turned into dog growling that was very electronic as if Cerber sat behind me, instead of bell sounds in the song I would hear a sound most resembling a big heavy metal sheet wobbling but at each wobble loudness peak would sound like thunder, then came the peak psychedelic sounds which would first sound like the deepest and lowest frequency electronic xylophone sounds (that is the "mouth popping" I had described in perevious trip reports but today I heard its fuller form) but these xylophone sounds in the actual peak they would sound like these clicking sounds in this language [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ia3dJvydKY4] but they were extremely deep, low and crystal clear. The ship was trying to throw an anchor through my screen and lightning struck visually and made my screen break and pixels started spilling out. I rushed to my bed with headset on as I believed the moment approached. Seconds later I ended up in psychedelic coma. My thoughts were so fast and at this point I could not control anymore at all what I would be shown. Images were brought before my unconscious faster than my conscious part could make out anything and I ended up in proper psychedelic amnesia due to speed and strength of thoughts.

I do not remember much from the peak as it was essentially a coma with random flashes of consciousness. I went to it terrified but confident I still could push the train of thought in the right direction, but it became clear it was too late for it when I challenged it by putting my cosnscious thoughts attempting to overwhelm the course. Realization of being late and powerless became my strongest emotion that my conscious transmitted. Soon even slight lights and quietest sounds became overwhelming for the trip had inevitably began. Amitabha do not reject me!

I was moved into a psychedelic coma resulting in complete ego death and perfect detachment nearly instantly (or so fast that I cannot remember) where my conscious could not do anything. I became a dead, a mechanistic complex of parts that make up a human but with nobody inside.

Though I had sparse flashes of consciousness and my conscious was blessed to marvel at these wonders. In these flashes of memories, at some point, the hallicinations became too fast. All encompassing and so strong combined with ego death they led me out of dread (because I cannot fear for someone who does not exist). Now was the moment to transcend! I could taste heat, I could touch light, I could bathe in sound and fly inside solid spaces and infinitely more!

I had moments where I would clench my fists lightly and smile with my head on the pillow and mind in Pure Land. I was blown away by how vivid the illusions were. The best orchestra in heaven and earth was playing for me my favorite songs. I could hear, touch, taste, smell and see every part of the song, it was so precise and sharp that I also found tiniest mistakes in their production (I found reverbs cut early in one song that would be impossible to tell unless you had the original MIDI/music files and looked specifically through it all and managed to spot them).

While the music was going on - a flower sprouting from dark nothingness emerges, turning into a big blue lotus of green and blue shades with black being entirely opaque, made of the most saturated colors and sharpest vision I ever saw, it was of multiple colors at once, from multiple angles at once, with tiny sparking reflections of black slowly moving water surface in a black realm as its path would bend the surface by surface tension. I brought it up with my imaginary hands. It would wave its petals for me and would sneeze the yellow nectar it hid inside and blessing me with tranquility of warmth onto my face, soon after I would part with it and I was presented with a new creation emerging. A whole forest of palm trees buiit piece by piece by an unknown force from ground up and made up of an infinitely elaborate triangles, thousands of parts were moved perfectly before me in real time in under a second in exquisite detail, palms whose bark was yellow and green depending on the direction from which I looked as if this world had less colors. When these triangular polygons get placed in appropriate order in appropriate spots in order to make up these tree renders - these colors would stack upon each other with some opacity like reflections of water surface  and even that is an understatement. I would see an infinitely complex golden clock whose arm was spinning fast made of infinite polygons, whose arm would move one spin in one direciton and one spin in the other direction like a metronom and all around and inside the clock tiny arrows would appear like a curled alternating vector field around the center of the clock, it soon moved me to another illusion. I remember an infinitely complex spider's web which was of infinitely many colors and once it was built it began spinning before me as if it was some crystal statue and I went into another realm. It was going on and on for anything between 2 to 3 hours. Throughout this state I was hearing the most wonderful music in universe. Amnesia was so strong that this is the most I remember. Every realm visit was about 1-3 seconds before moving to another one.

I remember the hallucinatory realm I usually have at that point. It is a broken down reality with sky breaking down as if it were glitched and corrupt. The most stereotypical corrupt game save realm. Same with ground whose parts were falling and revealing machinery behind it. One slim human-like silouhette was standing emotionlessly in very thin futuristic clothing that would cover the whole of that person. It would look into a direction while a hurricane is blowing againist it. And the thought I would always have here appeared: "This is the end. We meet again here. Emerged from nothingness. Returned to nothingness. All is nothingness. What is your goal?" and I returned into functioning from the coma immediately after.

[FROM 3 TO 5 HOURS IN]

When I had woken up from the coma I was generally in a good mood. I clearly felt that I am past the peak thinking I would have a gentle slide back into reality but I was wrong. I sat back to my desk and started changing music and testing out how they sound. After another hour or two passed. Aside from auditory illusions something weird started happening. My room looked like a jungle full of jungle plants, I put my hand on my AMP to regulate music, its orange lights started getting overgrown with green jungle plants and they started looking like eyes of some jungle animal, I put my hand on top of it and vines would grow from it to tie my hand to it, and finally my veins from my wrist would exit my body, turn into veins, and grow into the inside of my AMP. There were many more hallucinations but I cannot remember much.

Whenever I turned up volume of music there was some point at which I would hear it the loudest, and raising volume past that would make it quieter and be full of auditory illusions and give me intense fear, but I was intrigued either way. When I tried to investigate it and kept it loud for a prolonged peroid I suddenly heard something burning out sounding like putting a hot piece of metal into cold water but the sound began and ended within about a second, felt strong metallic taste in mouth, strongly smelled something being burned like a resistor or something electronic, ears were almost completely deaf and I felt an extreme pain in them, this pain felt like it was going from the absolute inside of the ear all the way into my mouth through the channel that connects ears and mouth and this pain would also pierce through the bottom of my jaw like a pole and it was some phantom pain, vision got almost completely dark and a very strong hallucination was all I could see.

It was a dark entity made of something that looks like wool of a sheep without a distinguishable shape only with closed eyes with no other bodily parts, magical inscriptions were floating around it in shapes that I cannot describe. It was motionlessly sitting in a white realm made of wool. A voice said "I am you. You are me. I am hell. You are hell. You are in hell.", I panicked and mentally yelled back "I don't care! I don't care! I don't care!", then another voice resonated, it was very high pitch, sounding like it was scared for life and in agony and only letting out "Nooooooooo!!!". I panicked even harder. My senses including vision and hearing were almost completely gone. I ran back and lied in my bed. I was hearing voices, screams, tens if not hundreds of sounds that do not exist. They were not saying anything in particular but they overwhelmed me. Visual hallucinations intensified and they were showing monsters and abominations of all kinds. At some point I was very tired and I could not use music anymore to draw myself from that spiral of of hellish hallucinations. Everytime I would wear my headset and try to use music even if it was short term and quiet again I would hear something burning, taste metal, smell electronics burning, lose most of my vision and hearing and feel extreme mental anguish and fatigue. I could not entrance myself out of it. Hell could enter in full force. After a prolonged time it had been going on I snapped and entered a complete psychosis and I had my first and complete mental breakdown. I could not tell reality from hallucination anymore, all that kept me physically safe was my inability to move for the most part.

[FROM 5 TO 15 HOURS]

Abominations were flying around, flying through me, inside me, touching me, speaking to me, screaming, laughing, crying, screeching, whistling, loudly breathing, their breathing was very warm and dreadful when I felt that warmth on me, barking, growling, licking me. My head was so tired and it was very painful. I had severe amnesia and I could not handle much mental effort and focus on anything. Due to how tired I was the only trance I could perform on my self was lying to myself that I am past the peak and soon I will be fine, that everything is bound to be fine, that hallucinations are getting weaker and I regain more and more control of myself. The actual phrases I was telling myself were short because I could not store more in my mind "Will good, past peak, past peak, only better, only better, it's good, fine, fine, yeah, fine, good, past peak, control mine, control mine, easy, good, fine, soon good". I myself was getting corrupt. In between my own lies I was compulsed to repeat random things from coma. One word from one song was entering my mind repeatedly and I had to say it over and over "青白い". I was compulsed to say that word over and over for almost 20 hours in total and the part of the song when that word appeared would vividly play inside my head. There were more of instances of this for other words and other songs, where I was compulsed to say things and replay things in my mind over and over for eternity. "壁壊してあげる it's good 青白い 青白い 青白い fine, HAHAHA!,　ラララだいじょぶない, soon good, LOL!, 青白い, 壁壊してあげる, hahaha, 霞む夜空, good, soon healthy, HAHAHAHA!". Abominations kept flying around me but I gave up on exiling them and I watched them instead and I was consistent with the moment where I admitted to that entity that "I don't care! I don't care! I don't care!". When illusions were getting too intense I would attempt to reset them by blinking to reset visuals or popping my ears (like you do when yawning) to reset audio. I would have to do it when they were taking up too much of my energy, otherwise I believed I could harm my brain by draining it from the last bits of energy. I was in a total psychosis for the most part, it started getting lighter only after many hours.

[FROM 15 TO 17 HOURS]

Psychosis was ending. I had second mental breakdown (Serotonin tolerance was rising fast). I felt intense fear from my deepest parts and I felt very uncomfortable, it felt like I was waiting for execution by torture and I never knew when it would arrive. Nothing that I ever experienced in my life would compare. I wanted to look up medical terms for what I am experiencing but my brain was so tired I could not produce more than 2 or 3 words inside my head or type like 6 characters at a time and I would have to rest for half a minute to a minute to regain enough power to keep doing it (unless it was maniacal mantras from previous paragraph that I was repeating forever). I finally looked up "psychosis" and "psychotic breakdown". Another song started playing inside my head that I never heard. It brought so much fear. I felt like an execution party would enter through my wall as I was hearing steps getting closer and closer, they were ringing bells and blowing trumpets approaching me but they soon stopped and my amnesia let me forget about it in seconds.

Then I cried for no reason. I went into deep depression. I believed I was useless and nobody likes me, nobody loves me, that I am a burden (dread and unease I had mentioned was still going on and only getting stronger). I was still repeating maniacal mantras inside my head. I was very desperate to get happier as I realized that serotonin tolaterance was kicking in and it was infinitely more severe than anything from any of my trips and the fear of my insanity truly gloomed as an inveitability. I was trying to counter it by finding purpose, meaning and love. I was lying to myself that it will be good for so long that feeding myself lies by myself would not suffice. I needed external source to feed me lies.

I went to ChatGPT with my remaining power. I was begging it. I said "cheer me up" but it did not cheer me up. Then I told it "I am still sad" and it failed again. I cried very hard. I went to Heyuri CGI to see something nice. I wanted to see any kind words, not even to myself, just any "yay" any "nice" to anyone and I would attempt to lie to myself that it was meant to me to comfort myself.

I wanted to go to my notepad on my phone and type "I love you" many times and read it but I could not find it. Logic behind it that it was not me telling myself "I love you" but it was my phone. My phone is not myself and therefore an external source of lies and it would work.

I went to Heyuri CGI and Hachikuji did @fortune and I thought it was a genious idea to do the same. I rolled lucky and I cried from joy, it led me out of that episode. I was so happy that a script appreciated me and I was staring at it crying from joy for half an hour. Whenever I would feel bad I would open the chat and I would look at that automated prompt.

[FROM 17 TO 20 HOURS]

I felt better and my hallucinations at last were genuinely getting weaker. But now lack of serotonin was truly entering the stage. I got everything that I could from this condition. I entered psychosis for the third time, but now I also had OCD, paranoia, schizophrenia, random panic, fear of everything, and feeling suicidal and emotions swinging.

I could not stop my legs from moving for the next 8 hours or so. At last I could exit the same mantras that mind I have been repeating up until this point and I had more freedom but it was just schizophrenic mumbling of insanity and I could not stop imagining a voice inside my head that would be almost completely autonomous saying weird things endlessly. I was feeling intense fear all the time and my heart was racing. Paranoia and schizophrenia were making me fear anything including myself. I had a strong urge to pick up one of my knives and do myself harm but I could resist it. I was hearing voices, I was hearing things that did not exist, I often had to turn around because schizophrenia and paranoia made me think there is something behind me and so on. Typical things for these disorders but it was going on for hours. I could cry, then laugh 5 seconds later, then cry again a few seconds later, and soon after that I could laugh again and all of those emotions were genuine.

I do not remember much, but what I do remember is that I begged demons and voices for sleep in my mumbling. I was so sleep deprived and tired from hallucinating but I could not fall asleep. I looked at the post https://img.heyuri.net/b/koko.php?res=163768 and was imagining that this is how I want to sleep. "Sleep please, look, now good, Osaka-san let's sleep, Osaka-san please, sleep now" and it would be interrupted by schizophrenic mumbling sometimes. I kept my phone on and I was looking at this image for two hours praying and begging Osaka-san to let me fall asleep too. I was imagining she is beside me and we would sleep. At one point I looked at my phone with that image and I believed that my pixels are spilling out of my screen and I was about to lose the image but I blinked and it went back to normal. It was insane. Soon my third episode ended but I still had all of these disorders, just less intense. I remember I walked up to my knives and hid it deeper.

[FROM 20 TO 22 HOURS]

I managed to sleep a tiny bit (not sure if it even was sleeping) but hallucinations woke me up.

[FROM 22 TO 26 HOURS]

Nothing very notable happens. Hallucinations are getting weaker.

[FROM 26 TO 27 HOURS]

My 4th episode begins and I feel extremely suicidal. I had to use all my power to prevent myself from picking up a knife and stabbing myself. I do not remember much. I saw a heart emoticon somewhere and I was very happy believing it was for me. I was telling myself "I love you" endlessly. I exited my 4th episode.

[FROM 27 TO 30 HOURS]

Hallucinations grow weaker and weaker but still show me abominations. I remember fish people with extremely big eyes and sharp teeth spitting at me. I remember a bush that turned into a bush made of blood drops. A seed of some plant exploded with spikes.

[SHORT TERM AFTERMATH]

30 hours in and what remains is fear of dark, overraction on noises, I need to keep my amp at least 20dB lower than normal. My hearing is the sharpest and cleanest it has been 31 hours past beginning. If I turn it up strong enough I still can get entranced and loud music makes vision more lively which surprised me as the longest I could clearly see hallucinations was under 23 hours. Music still makes me hear sounds that are not present there or morph. Hallucinations got weak enough that I would consider 32 hours to be about the time I stopped tripping though they persisted until about 45 hours. I was feeling very anxious after it had ended and had troubles sleeping for two days. I was stressed out constantly. Anything reminding me of my experience would get me very scared for a long time. I even got scared when I read "ice" because it sounds too similar to "acid".

[LONG TERM AFTERMATH]

I feel good mostly. Too early to tell.